Dinner with George

I head to the joke shop cradling Akasha against my chest. "Alright Troubles, I know you're here somewhere, I don't have time to play games so come be sociable!" I announce.

"Well fancy that," says one of them, his bum seated on the counter. "Was just gonna hunt you down."

"Come on, then, let’s go hunt, only not me, lets hunt food, Kash and I are hungry, and I've got news. I think I need a hug." I tell him, not sure yet which one it is.

"Fancy that, so do I!" he says and jumps off the counter. "Callin' the clone down, right?
Hold on a mo and then we can go." I watch as he picks up a rubber duck and talks into it. Then a moment later, the other twin shows up and he smacks him on the back. "Ta, clone! Back in...Pads, Kippers, how long we gonna be gone for?"

I look at him with the expression I've used many times. Usually when he expects me to predict something unpredictable, much as he has now. "Do I look like Trelawny? Don't answer that. We'll be gone as long as it takes to get me fed, longer if you hold me up any."

"Hold you up? Moi?" He looks aghast. "See you in a bit, then," he says to his brother and hooks his arm in mine.

Akasha hisses at this sudden unannounced contacted and swipes at him. "Oh hush Kash, he's alright, I've done worse to him trust me." I tell her shifting her more to my free side to prevent anymore kit-swipes at one of my best friends. "The other one not joining us then?"

"Nah. Trudes' gone home and he figures I need to get out more. Don't know whatever for."

"May I at least know which one I'm dealing with?" I ask as I shrug and lead him out of the store, trying to decide where would be best for food.

"Oh, you'll figure it out soon enough on your own, I'd wager," he says in a casual voice, swinging my hand in his as we walk down the alley. I won't figure it out, I know I won't. I never can with the twins. I can tell them appart but that's not the same as knowing which is which.

"Where do you want to go then?"

"Dunno. This is your ride, I'm just on it."

"Bloody help you are." I lead the way to The Leaky Cauldron. Always faithful. I shiver slightly and speed up. "Oh, Fred, George which ever you are, meet Akasha. Bill gave her to me for my Birthday, I collected her today." I remember the kit I'm still cuddling. I think I've been very good. I haven't cooed at her at all yet...well...not much.

"Well well well, if it ain't a little kneazling! They're supposed to sense trouble, ya know. I think yours must be broken. Hasn't tried to get rid of me yet."

I yelp and glare at him. "Mine isn’t broken!” I protest, “They sense untrustworthy people, you're safe enough, besides, she's just a baby, with a liking for shoe laces it seems so be careful." I warn him, glancing down, the ends of my bootlaces have already been attacked several times.

"She'll get quite the surprise in my bootstraps," he says, looking down at his own. "Never underestimate us twins. So what's got you needin' a hug, then?"

"Snape." I answer simply as I push open the door to the Leaky and hurry inside, summoning the dinner menus to us as we find a table.

"What's that walking zit done now?"

"Hit on me."

To my horror he laughs. He actually laughs, and then he squeezes my shoulders. "That's the most rediculously disgusting thing I've heard of. Did you leave 'im anything or did you hex it all off?"

I shudder, "Halloween I was at The Crystal Chamber when the Lestrange trio attacked, I've seen him in action, I'm not fool enough to open hostilities. Though I was tempted when he grabbed my arm. Seemed to think having established I thought he was guilty was a great time to ask me out." It was ironically appauling timing though thinking about it in such a way is making me depressed, hardly Christmas cheer, "but I found a far more entertaining way to shake him off." I explain, scanning the menu briefly.

"Ooo, do tell," he urges, knicking my boots under the table. "I always do love a good Snape razzing story."

"You know the rumours he could read minds. They're true. I decided if he could read minds and he was going to try reading mine I'd give him something worth seeing to teach him not to snoop around again." I say with a wicked grin setting my kit down in my lap where she curls up at once going to sleep with a heavy purring.

The twin, whichever he is, leans his elbows on the counter and looks at me with keen interest. "Yeeees? Whatever could our Kippary show ol' Several Snipes to get 'im to leave off, I wonder."

"My one nighter. In full technicolour. I didn't think, I should have added audio and sensory as well but I only thought as far as what I saw, would be what he saw." I smile innocently, "Decided what you want to eat yet?"

"Roast," he says. "So, to get somebody off your bum, you play a sex scene for 'em? Not quite the deterant I woulda thunk. Ususally you think somebody grabbin' your bum's gonna be thinkin' on sex, not run off by it."

"He was no where near my bum thank you very much, and maybe a sex scene would encourage him had it not been from my pov, think about what I would have seen...what he would have seen through me. Another wizard looming over him?"

His laugh is a loud bark at this. "Right, gotcha now! S'pose I was thinkin' more on memories than mind-readin'." Then he quietens for a moment and snickers again. "Right, and by arm you meant arm, not bum. Selective hearin' on my part. Soz."

"Now I'm confused, I thought you were George, but it's a very Fred-like trick to confuse arm with bum when talking about a witch my age." I say, "I'll be back I'm just going to order our food. Look after Kash." I hand my kit over to him, "What do you want to drink?"

He takes her in his arms and promptly starts scratching her stomach. "Cider, I'm thinkin'. Nice and Christmassy."

I grin and make my way to the bar knowing Kash is in good hands. I order our food and drinks and make my way back to find her still being cuddled and petted and cooed at even more than I did. "It's on its way."

"Excellent." He looks down at the kit and wrinkles his nose. "What say, Kneazling. You wanna go back to Kit Kat, or you stayin here with me?" My little kit meows loudly and I look to whichever twin he is for a translation.

"So what's new? You said you had something to tell me."

"Well, s'pose you could say it's evidence that there's one thing clone and I'll never share," he says, burying his face in Kash's stomach and nuzzling his nose into her fur.

I grin, "So, you tried a double date...and it didn't work out, you feeling okay, George?"

He shudders. "Was horrible. But Fred had a good time, at least. Just hope they didn't get offended, if ya know what I mean."

"I'm sure they'll understand. Even if you prefered girls your own age or younger, some guys are just too private to do that, even with twins. Fred's just a shameless jackrabbit." I reassure him, muttering the last part with a good natured humour.

George sniggers. "Rest assured, Kiggles, it was the girl. I imagine kissin' her was like you kissin' an old bloke. Wrong, awkward, and downright squicky."

I pull a face, "You have to give me the most enjoyable images to work my way through, why couldn't you suggest kissing someone nice and hunky like some of those muggle actors."

"Because it wasn't like that. Believe you me, if that was the image I'd put in your head as example, I wouldn't feel like I gotta soak in essense of murtlap every couple seconds."

"Why? What was wrong?" I never understand alot of wizarding phrases. Add to that the natural confusion felt by anyone talking to the twins and I'm totally lost

"Just like I said! What's so gross about you kissin' an oldie moldy?"

"The fact they're old enough to be my father usually, but those girls couldn’t be your daughters!"

"Nah, not at all. But there's nothin' wrong with it, eh? If it was the same bloke your age, you'd be right fine with it. Just like if those girls'd been about twenty years older, I woulda been fine with it. It makes as much sense for you to be grossed out by an old codger than it does for me to be grossed out by a lovely my age."

I shake my head and laugh as a waitress brings our dinner and drinks. Kash automatically starts squirming in George's hands at the smell of hot food. I can't say I blame her.

"Hey now, Squirmy McSquirmskins," he says, tickling her stomach. "You keep squirmin, and I just might not feed you my scraps after all. How d'you like that?"

She settles down almost at once. "I swear they can understand English....or twin-ish. 'Squrimy McSquirmskins?"

"You don't like it?" he asks, wide-eyed.

"Not saying I don't, it sorta fits her. Just don't feed her too much or she'll bust and poop everywhere, and nothing too rich or she'll bust and throw up everywhere." I tell him in a tone as if discussing my cats digestive tract was natural over dinner.

He laughs. "Somebody tellin' me not to do something? Oh Kiggles, I thought you knew me!"

"I do, I know you'd never endanger a kits health just to spite someone being bossy." I counter sticking my tongue out at him before spearing a chip on my fork.

He rips off a piece of roast with his bare hands and pops it in his mouth. "I wonder what older twins'd be like," he says and holds his fingers out for Kash to lick.

I frown and then grin, "I almost forgot who I was talking to then, was about to remind you that civilised people use knives and forks."

He scoffs and tears off another nibble. "'Sides that, it's safer for your kneazling. Knives and forks is dangerous, dontcha know."

I cut into my food with my own knife and smile, I should have known Kash would like George, as wicked and mischievious as the twins go. "I thought the only danger was me spoiling her, but looks like she's got you wrapped round her little finger...if she had one."

Kash has taken hold of George's hand and is licking vigorously at one of his fingers. "I'd say she's got one," he notes and taps her on the tip of her nose with said finger.

I roll my eyes and suddenly remember how hungry I am and continue eating. I'm quite impressed with what I got done today despite being 'kidnapped' by George. "I say seems more like I kidnapped you this time." I comment, "You're losing your touch."

"The early bird catches the Weasley," he says, dangling a scrap of roast just out of Kash's reach. "And 'sides, this isn't a sleepover!"

"Don't torment her. She's got sharp claws and a big brain." I warn just before the little kit gives up swiping at the out of reach meat and makes a lunge for his arm lower down where she can reach, gripping tightly with two sets of claws trying to pull his arm towards her. "Got Christmas sorted yet or are you leaving everything to the last minute as usual?"

"Takes after her uncle Gredge, she does," he says. "Sharp claws and big brains. And Christmas is a trick. With Mum and Dad off Marauders know where, it's anybody's guess. All I know's that Fredgie'n I'll be spendin' it together. Been workin' on a few new carols, too. You?"

"Everything bought and wrapped, cards written, ready to be owled. Dinner all planned, and ready to cook." I list off the things I’ve done whilst making a mental list of things yet to do. Like the actual cooking. I owled the cards and presents earlier today except those which had to go further than Diagon Alley which were owled last week.

"What'd you get me, eh?" he asks, eyes twinkling and a mischievous grin on his face.

"Like I'm going to tell you. You'll have to wait until Christmas. I sent the owl this morning, it has all of about fifty feet to fly from the owlpost." I say, giving him a friendly nudge under the table

He nudges me back and sticks his tongue out. "But I wanna knoooooooow," he whines, making a bloody great show of it, wriggling in his seat.

Kash squeaks in protest at her cushion moving so much and decides to jump onto the table where she has a more stable footing and better access to food. "Tough."

George crosses his arms and pouts. "Meanie," he says. "Well fine then. I didn't wanna know anyway."

"You'll find out all in good time." I reassure him and scoop Kash up before she steals away with his dinner. "Nice try missy,"

"You callin' me Missy?"

"Her not you." I grumble giving him another playful kick and feeding my kit a sliver of fish. He just gives me a cheeky grin and reaches over to tickle Kash on her stomach again.

"I have this horrible feeling your brother is beginning to understand me. When in doubt cute things always win." I tell him, as Kash rears on her hind legs in an attempt to swat him away, only exposing her belly for him more.

"You always were a sucker for the cute," he agrees. "That's why I know you're gonna loooooove your pressie."

"Probably why I got stuck with you Georgie, that innocent 'what did I do?' expression. Whatcha get me?" I ask, grinning.

"I'm not tellin' if you're not," he says, wagging his finger at me.

I pout and finish off the last of my fish and chips by feeding a few flakes of fish to Kash. "Pretty please?" I ask in my cutesyest voice.

"You're gonna have to wa-ait!" he sings, tapping my boot with his under the table. I suppose I should have expected it having refused to tell him what his gift is. Though I doubt he’d have told me even if I’d told him first.

"Meanie," I tease, sitting back and relaxing with a full stomach. Despite Kash's size she's still sniffing for scraps off George's plate. "Piggie, you'll pop!" I tell her sternly.

"You shoulda called 'er Ronda," he says, "the way she's goin' after my scraps."

"She's just a baby, she hasn't discovered yet that her stomach has a limited capacity. She'll regret it when she's too full to move." I say tickling her. "I'm beginning to wonder what Quaffle thinks about her. So far he’s just watched her with the same considering gaze he gave that pygmy puff I bought off you. Considering whether or not it’s worth eating."

He picks up the kit and sets her on top of his head. "Dunno."

I squeak with concern. "If she falls, I'll bounce you on your head," I warn him, getting ready to catch her at the first sign of a wobble. She jumps from his head down to his shoulder and weaves behind his head to his other shoulder, her tail curling around to his opposite ear.

"She's a kneazle. You understimate their balance."

"She's a kit, their balance hasn't always been established until they're a little older." I smile, she looks comfy, and no doubt she will now go to sleep with the full stomach she has on her.

"But a kit's gotta learn somewheres. Kits are curious for a reason. She's gonna find out her limits and what better place than on my shoulders?"

I sigh, relenting and glance at my watch. "Unfortuntely I should be getting her home. I have notes to work on for Bill."

"Ah, Billium, Billium," he sighs. "Keepin' my Kippary from me. Well, s'pose I should be gettin' some work done on a little project anywho."

"You know they can't part us for long." I say dramatically.

"Not if I've got anything to say about it." Kash finds the end of George's shoulder and starts kneeding it with relish, her purrs loud. George leans his head against her side and grins.

"I don't think I'll be the only one to miss you." I tell him as she purrs loudly in his ear.
"I got you both smitten," he says. "Kashi the Smitten Kitten."

“Yes well this Smitten Kitten is going home.” I say with a yawn, “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.” I quote from an old poem, scooping Kash out of his arms and tucking her into my jacket so she’ll be warm.

We pay for our meals and walk back to WWW. I stay briefly to see both twins together, give them both big Christmas hugs and promise to see them soon. Then I Apparate home to the warmth and the smell of freshly baked mincepies.